Today's sports fans

Editorials
MITCH ALBOM: Got another new word for 'fan'?

December 18, 2005

FREE PRESS COLUMNIST
I held my father's hand as we walked into the stadium. I wore a cap. I carried a glove. I ate a hot dog. I clapped constantly. When one of our players struck out, I said, "That's OK," mimicking my father, who added, "We'll get 'em next time."

I remember every vivid detail of my first sporting event, from the seat colors to the greasy food. What I don't remember is if our team won.

I guess it didn't matter.

I was a fan back then. I am not one anymore. I surrendered that option when I took this job. A fan, as defined by the dictionary, is "an ardent admirer." To be honest, under that definition, I'm not sure how many fans are left in this country.

Sure, people call themselves "fans." And today, many of them are expected to brave the winter weather for the Lions-Bengals game at Ford Field. But they are not coming to cheer the home team. They are coming to boo it, to march around the stadium in protest, to howl endlessly for the firing of the team's president.

I'm not sure what I call that.

It doesn't sound like fandom.

Preening for attention

It's hard to imagine a "fan" of a movie star such as Julia Roberts screaming at her because she took a bad part, or a "fan" of writer Stephen King calling a radio show demanding his publisher fire him. If you don't care for their work anymore, you move on.

But in sports, somehow, we don't move on, we move in. We throw things on the court. We unfurl nasty banners. We scream threats and curses.

We start obscene chants. We sing a player's name and add the word "sucks!" We throw beverages at preening athletes (Pistons-Pacers last year). We throw beer bottles at the visiting team's buses (the LSU-Tennessee football game this fall). We jeer draft picks. We scream for trades.

Decades ago, if our team lost, we might commiserate at the coffee shop. Today, we spew venom across the Internet, we speed dial a sports talk radio station, we scream into a TV camera. We give ourselves names ("SuperFanFreak"). We get famous for selling our loyalty on eBay. We imagine ourselves as equals. Every fan a coach. Every fan a general manger.

We demand our "rights." We say we are "sick" of losing. The whole relationship is like a tired husband and his tired wife, quick to anger, quick to battle, quick to see love turned to resentment. I don't know what you call that.

It doesn't sound like fandom.

It's so easy to criticize

Of course, the teams themselves are hardly blameless. Coaches and general managers take the money and run. High-priced players refuse to sign autographs or demand to be traded. Owners raise ticket prices so high a fan feels entitled to excellence -- or else.

Meanwhile, in the media, it is in vogue to be cynical and acid-tongued. I've done it myself. You show too much "admiration" (see the definition of fan), they call you a "homer."

So today, in Detroit, "fans" will gather en masse to express not support, but anger. And they will protest a team making money from failure while buying angry T-shirts and boosting ratings of entities making money from, well, failure. And the very media that often have egged them on -- including this newspaper -- will race down and cover them.

And perhaps this grants them their truest wish: to be watched and written about on Sunday afternoon, instead of the players.

The whole thing has gotten so loud, so profane and so drunken, I'm not sure what it is anymore. But I know what it isn't.

It isn't a little boy and his father, holding hands and watching sports heroes. They called that fandom. But those days are gone.

Contact MITCH ALBOM at 313-223-4581 or malbom@freepress.com. Catch "The Mitch Albom Show" 3-6 p.m. weekdays on WJR-AM (760). Also catch "Monday Sports Albom" 7-8 p.m. Mondays on WJR. To read his recent columns, go to www.freep.com, click on Sports and then Mitch Albom.

Anthropomorphic rock formation, Sedona, AZ

 
 

A "Cowboy Killer" in Sedona, AZ

 
 

H&P 2005

 
 

"Lay down your Law books, now they're no d*** good"

Scott Turow's newest book, Ordinary Heroes, is not a book about lawyers in the sense his previous novels were. The protagonist is a JAG lawyer during WWII, but that is completely secondary. He gets drawn into combat including the Battle of the Bulge in the Ardennes. I thought the story was very good, Turow always writes well, and this novel seems Hemingwayesque to me, a "Man at War" kind of atmosphere.

Annals of in -state Rivalries

Leave it to City Hall ...

 
 

Beachy sidewalk

 
When we were at the beach, we saw some herringbone sidewalk and decided that was what we wanted in front of our house. Still a bit rough. 

Trick or Treat

 
 

Good game

Annals of Books: Catching up on the reading list

Each time I try to post this my computer crashes.
Best book lately is Tyrannosaur Canyon by Preston.
The Traveler by Hawks was ok, as I finished it thinking it needed a sequel, I read the back jacket that it is part one of three.
The March by Doctorow was ok, about Sherman's March (the activity not the month) through the South, with a stop in Columbia to watch the Gamecocks play.
Boyd: The Fighter Pilot Who Changed the Art of Warfare is a nonfiction that I enjoyed.
I have been meaning to read Freakonomics and The World is Flat, but they are packed in a box somewhere due to the renovation of our book room.
I have a promising new (to me) author named Steve Alten, he writes technothrillers like Preston and Childs.

New Seagrove living room 

The British are coming 

Sunset from Cape Cod, taken by Morgan. Actually saw the Green Flash a few seconds later. 

A rainbow dot, over Brewster, Cape Cod 

wink 

Pop Pop, Granny and grandkids at Cape Cod 

Annals of Law: Stupid Things the IRS does

In the wake of all of the corporate scandals lately, the Government has instituted new rules, regulations, and no doubt a bunch of committees. Something that boggles my mind is known as Circular 230.

In practical part (the only part I understand) this requires some lawyers to put a footer on every single dad blamed email they send out, in substantially this form:

"IRS CIRCULAR 230 Disclosure: Under U.S. Treasury regulations, we are required to inform you that any tax advice contained in this e-mail or any attachment hereto is not intended to be used, and cannot be used, to avoid penalties imposed under the Internal Revenue Code."

Note that this is on every email, including lunch invitations and Final Four Office Pools, etc. What good does this do for society?

Do you mean to tell me that if a lawyer advises me how to set up an offshore corporation, or if I am the CEO of Enron and I want to post dummy losses and get tax advice about it, putting a footer on the email makes it all better? That's completely insane. That's as silly as "expert driver on closed course, do not try this at home."

The only good email footer I have seen is from a lawyer I know, his has an unintended grammatical error. Reading it, the footer plainly directs any reader to delete and destroy the email without reading it. Like looking into a hall of mirrors? Whoa man!

I saw the movie

With the kids Friday night (Mrs was late getting back from out of town). It was pretty good, a bit intense for MEB (MHB spent part of the time watching her to make sure she was not "sad.") Pretty good Star Wars movie.

Although George Lucas is a genius about many things, I am skeptical about his storytelling. How hard is it to foreshadow when you start at the end? I also do not believe he had it all planned out, I think he made things up as he went along. Especially after the first movie. Therefore some of the later movies boxed him in.

Examples: Why did Obi-wan say "you must learn from Yoda, the jedi master who trained me." How did Darth Vader ever figure out Luke was his son? If it is just feeling the Force as MHB guesses (probably correctly) then why when he was faced with Leia in the interrogation scene, did he not note the force was strong with her, etc? Also, Vader and Leia appeared to be acquainted in Episode IV. Why hide Luke on Tatooine, Vader's home planet, with people he knows? Why, when flying over Tatooine in IV, did Vader not note in some way that this was his home planet? And why wipe C3POs memory and not R2D2s?

Still, I liked the movie. Lots of action, and the bad dialogue scenes were mercifully short and to the point.

A very cool website

Is the Baby Name Voyager. You enter a name, and you see how popular, or not, it has been over the years. Try it. http://babynamewizard.com/namevoyager/lnv0105.html

The best book I have read in a while

Is Duncan Delaney and the Cadillac of Doom, by A.L. Haskett (that's a good name for an author, isn't it?).
I found the book because it is recommended by Christopher Moore. Interestingly, it is out of print, having come out in 2000, but there are plenty of copies available on Amazon. This is one of those books that makes you laugh about every page, but the characters are interesting and the story is very good. It has a double ending that I really liked, I was surprised how good it is. Basically a tale of a young artist who leaves Wyoming for Los Angeles, with his full blooded Indian companion more or less tagging along after him. Once in LA, he meets the locals who are mostly bikers, strippers and art dealers. Is that redundant? I'm tired of typing and won't issue any spoilers, but this is a really great book. The author emailed me back (which I really appreciated) that he has another book in the works.

The hills are alive ...

My two current projects are learning to play the mandolin, and brushing up on my spanish. I have a case with a spanish speaking plaintiff, and the interpreters are driving me crazy. The plaintiff and other witnesses go blah blah for 30 seconds, then the interpreter leans back and says "...no." So I have a tape to listen to in the car.

The mandolin will take more time and starts more from scratch. I got a cheap one online, some books, tapes and videos, and am hacking along. The Mrs hates it so I have to practice out of her earshot. Of course, I will be great by the time Cape Cod rolls around.


The KM140 A-model Mando

Book Review: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell

The reviews on the back jacket of this book are too good to believe, coming from such good authors as Neil Gaiman, and another reviewer uses the "T" word (Tolkien) to describe this novel.

First time English author Susannah Clarke does a nice job with this story of two English magicians who vy for the public attention and to bring back English Magic in a highly historical fictional early 1800s. The humor and the sketching of the society is pretty good, and the story is very interesting for most of the book. The history is a little thickly laid on, though, with numerous footnotes to the fictional history, and even one that makes the reader go back four chapters to find out what a word means.

I liked this book (it is HUGE) but the ending seemed kind of flat. It possibly leaves room for a sequel.

Annals of half -finished books: I am Charlotte Simmons

I could not make myself finish this. I did finish about half and that seemed enough punishment (plus it is so huge, half is a lot of pages to read). The protagonist goes from hillbilly land to a snooty college. She meets a Jock, a Fraternity Boy, and a Geek. Everything is described so breathlessly and wordily as if narrated by a space alien getting paid by the word (sounds like any New Yorker writer, but I digress). Does this book ever get to the point? Knowing Thomas Wolfe, she probably gets gang raped by them all. Not for me. Somebody tell me whodunnit, because I am not finding out first hand. I once saw a bookstore that would let you return a book when finished and get a little something back. I would take that deal with this book.

Gadget corner: The Robo-Maid

No, this is not a wife substitute as the name might imply. This is, instead, the "as sold on TV" miracle, the "robotic vacuum for the poor masses." You can spend $300 at The Sharper Image, but the discerning gadget buff knows that for only 10.50, this amazing household gadget can be yours!
Morgan likes it, Rudy is unimpressed, and Kate has yet to see how revolutionary this will be. I have two happily cleaning upstairs and down as we speak!

Annals of Books: The Pleasure of My Company, by Steve Martin

I actually didn't read this. But I listened to the audio version on my iPod, as narrated by the author. Which is a treat, because he writes about like he talks - his books (Shopgirl was also good) have a sing-song quality as if they were translated from French.

This is a pretty amazing and at times very funny story about a fellow who is a savant with severe compulsions. He is very honest and self-aware of all of this, which makes it interesting. His journey from obsessive loner to a full participant in his world is very interesting and at times surprising. Martin has a very deft touch and his plots are good. Look forward to further writing. Another great thing about Martin the writer is that he doesn't seem to get paid by the word -- both books are novella length, perfect for finishing on a couple of flights.

William N. Aitken, R.I.P.

One of my main memories of my uncle Bill is when I first met him around the time (probably even before) he married Ada. As a bratty kid, I indoctrinated him into the extended family by stealing his cigarettes and hiding them. I have thought many times since how patient he was about that -- a good throttling would have accelerated my growth process, but I am glad he was not a person to do that. I knew early on that I in fact wanted him to like me, despite my bad start, and it made me happy that he always acted and spoke as if he did. God bless you, Bill. We will miss you.

Annals of Books: The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists : A Novel

This is a hilarious little book (would be good for a short airplane ride or a very long time, perhaps even installments, in the "Christian Science Reading Room" as my family euphemizes it) that I picked up from the bottom of the shelf at some bookstore.

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists : A Novel by GIDEON DEFOE is very very funny. Very like Monty Python meets Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. What more need be said?

The plot is simple- Our protagonist The Pirate Captain (no names for pirates on his ship are ever used, because he just forgets them) wants to get his crew out of a rut, so they follow a bad lead from another pirate looking for a reputed gold ship. However, the ship is the HMS Beagle and its hold is full of science specimens, because the ship is led by Charles Darwin. The Pirates and the Scientists join forces on an Adventure.

The book is made to look and sound like a dated children's serial or series book. With the humor. It is interesting that the book is actually quite clean, I might let my son read it. Very funny, I was surprised. Hope this guy writes more and longer next time.

Tell em I sent you:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0375423214/qid=1104963853/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/103-5938080-6262226?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

Got Spurrier? That's what my tee shirt says

I get asked a lot by people who would otherwise misplace the fact that I am a little bit of a South Carolina fan ("little" here means I rarely dream about the Gamecocks in my sleep) if I am excited about them hiring Steve Spurrier as coach.

Yep. I hope he does a good job with what is available. Obviously they will pass the ball more often than before. I have read a book or two about him to get apprised (I had studiously ignored -- if not hated as my wife claims-- his career while he was at Florida and RUTS on USC every season) and what is most impressive to me is what he did in three years at Duke. Surely they were not furtively stocked with football talent before he got there. His teams led the league in passing and scoring and won an ACC championship while he was there.

Thanks Coach Holtz for all you did, and for always responding to my letters about helmets and your books.

Technology Review -- radioSHARK

It seemed dumb to me that I can't listen to Braves games from my computer at work. They are on TV and Radio locally free, but not streamed. Of course, you can bring a TV or radio to work, but that is beside the point.

Enter the radioSHARK by Griffin Technology. It is a device that plugs into your USB port. It serves as an AM/FM radio, drawing its power from the port. Nothing wild here yet, but it also comes with software that allows time shifting and recording.

Kind of cool IMO. Obviously a radio is cheaper, but again, this is no logic to a gadget afficionado.



Click yonder for more info:
http://www.griffintechnology.com/products/radioshark/